It’s so helpful to be working with someone else on this. I’ll let myself down all day long, but I don’t want to disappoint someone else. When I realized what I’d said, it stopped me in my tracks. I don’t want to be someone who is willing to let myself down. I certainly don’t want to be someone who lets myself down as a consistent way of being.…
»What do you do when you feel afraid or uncertain? It’s totally normal to try to protect ourselves when we feel vulnerable. We all have patterns and habits we go into—some more helpful than others. We may also find ourselves taking on a role or persona that feels safe. Are you the helpful one? …the funny one? …the smart one? …the strong one? …the stoic one? …the good one?…
»As I’m writing this we’re under Safer at Home orders due to Covid-19. It’s impacting people in so many ways. Some are busier than ever. For some an empty calendar is something new. For others the day-to-day looks much the same as before…even if everything feels different. There have been days where I’ve gotten almost nothing done. I felt tired and foggy. Bedtime would come and I’d wonder what I’d done with my time.…
»You probably know how overwhelming it feels to try to be everything for someone. You maybe even know what it feels like to be disappointed when a friend wasn’t there for you in the way you’d hoped . Many of us who tend toward people-pleasing focus a lot of our energy on supporting others. We want to make sure we’re meeting their needs so they want to keep us around.…
»People-pleasing can seem like a way of connecting with others. We believe that if we keep people happy, then they’ll like us and want us around. While it may be true that pleasing others will win us approval and a place in their lives, changing and editing ourselves can’t create the connection we long for. We confuse people-pleasing with kindness. After all, aren’t we, as people-pleasers, described as too nice?…
»Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt like you’re not good enough. You’re not alone. I’m raising my hand with you and I know there are many, many others joining us. This fear of not being good enough is so common. It plays on repeat in the minds of many of us. Our fears grow when we avoid looking at them. Please join me in looking at this fear of being not good enough.…
»What do you want? It seems like a simple question, but it’s one I’ve struggled to answer at times. Exercises around describing my ideal day or envisioning my perfect scenario can leave me feeling more stuck than inspired. My mind goes blank when pressured to describe my 5-year vision. Trying to set goals can feel like a choice between more of the same or something that’s out of reach.…
»Think about your family and friends. Why do they make time for you in their lives? Why do they want you around? I think many of us aren’t sure how to answer these questions. We see the things we don’t like about ourselves and wonder why anyone would choose us instead of someone better. And yet, we want relationships. A common response is to try to change ourselves into someone more desirable.…
»We generally know what’s making life hard, but how often do we take the time to notice what is helping? Every year, Anne Bogel of Modern Mrs. Darcy reflects on the question inspired by Barbara Brown Taylor’s memoir, Leaving Church…What’s saving your life right now? I think about this question every so often. It’s easier to find an answer in some seasons than in others. I appreciate that Anne’s yearly link-up comes in February when winter has already out stayed its welcome and spring still seems impossibly far away.…
»The words used to label those who have a habit of people-pleasing aren’t always very complimentary. Doormat. Pushover. Wishy-washy. Indecisive. Spineless. Brown-noser. Goody-goody. Teacher’s pet. Yes man. Weak. A common idea about people-pleasing is that it means we’re weak. If only we were stronger, more decisive, or better we wouldn’t struggle with these ways of trying to earn approval. At first glance it makes sense, doesn’t it? If we give in to what others want we must be weak and the solution must be to be stronger.…
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