I can’t remember exactly what it was she was trying to convince me I could do, but I had an argument to counter every bit of encouragement. There was no shortage to the ways I believed I wasn’t good enough.
She was trying to help me see myself the way she saw me—as someone smart, capable, and full of potential. I wasn’t buying it.
I’d been pretending for so long to be a better person than I really believed myself to be. I thought any positive thing another person said about me was just an indication that she was fooled by my illusion. If she could see who I really was, she’d change her mind about me.
I was tired of trying to convince her that I wasn’t actually as good as I’d been pretending to be. In desperation I finally asked the question I thought would end the conversation. Tears streamed down my face and the muscles in my chest squeezed so tightly that I could hardly choke out the words, “Do you have any idea how much I hate myself?”
I’m excited to be over at Tiny Buddha sharing a piece of my journey toward learning to accept and value myself . Will you join me there?