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Lack of self-trust inclines us to look outside of ourselves for what we should do, what we should think, and who we should be. This can lead us to act in ways that are out of integrity . We may start feeling resentment.
When we trust ourselves, we are more able to be there for ourselves. We can also show up in our relationships in a way that cares about other people while honoring who we are and what we want and need.
Many of us have some ideas about ways we could be better or things we want to change about ourselves. Some of these come from inside—things we don’t really like about ourselves or things we’ve noticed in our lives that aren’t working for us. We also get so many messages from out there about all the ways that we should improve so we can be our best selves.
It can start to feel like self-trust is something that we earn by becoming that better person—that we can’t really trust ourselves until we have all those other things sorted.
We get it backwards when we think that we have to become who we’re supposed to be before we can trust ourselves and before we can do what we really want to do in our lives.
What I’m actually finding is that self-trust is at the start. It’s something we can cultivate right where we are. It’s something we can grow and build . It’s what helps us to do and try everything else.
There are probably things that you want to do or experience in this world besides just improving yourself. What do you want to create? Who do you want to connect with and get to know? What do you want to experience?
It can start to feel like we can’t do those things until we’re better in this way or that way—until we’re good enough . There are so many things we fear will go wrong. What if we make a mistake? What if we hurt someone? What if we try and it just doesn’t work out? What if we get criticized or rejected?
The thing is, it’s so much easier to do anything that feels uncomfortable if we know that we will be there for ourselves even if things don’t go how we hope. We can take risks, stretch our comfort zones, and try things we’re not sure that we’ll be able to do. We can be vulnerable and let people really see us so we can connect more deeply. We can dare to take up more space in our lives.
Instead of trying to never mess up, let’s grow our trust that we’ll stay with ourselves to figure it out, clean up the mess, and make amends. We can support ourselves with kindness as we look at what happened and choose what’s next, whether that’s trying again or trying something different .
How powerful would it be to know we have someone who will totally have our back?
What would be possible if you knew that there was someone who would be with you no matter what? What would you love to try or experience if you knew that there was someone who would absolutely have your back through the whole process? Just you know…that someone can be you.