How Do You Define Self-Trust?


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I say you can trust yourself. I say that a lot, but what do I mean?

So many of us, myself included, experience a lot of uncertainty. We doubt ourselves, our decisions , and our abilities. We are very aware of things we do not really like about ourselves and the ways that we don’t measure up to who we want to be.

All of these things can make it feel like self-trust is out of reach for us. It must be for other people, better people. It’s for those people over there who always know what they’re doing. They’ve got it totally pulled together and they don’t mess up all the time so they’ve earned it. We haven’t.

The most powerful thing I’ve been learning about trust is that it does not demand that we be perfect, not even close.

Trust is not something that we have or don’t. It can’t be forced. Trust will fluctuate over time and in different circumstances. It’s something that we can continually grow and cultivate in our lives.

Basing trust on always getting it right, always knowing what to do, and never messing up is fragile. It may be easier to trust people—to trust ourselves—when everything’s going well, but things aren’t always going to go well.

The difficult moments are actually a lot more telling. When considering whether I can trust someone, I want to look at how they navigate challenges, conflict, and disappointment. How do they handle all the tough things that come in life and how do they treat people in the process? How are they going to treat me when things aren’t going as planned?

That makes such a difference.

If we demand perfection in order to trust someone or in order to trust ourselves, that trust is going to fall apart because we are human .

Trust grows when we choose to stick with ourselves through whatever is going on in our lives.

I’m going to have your back. I’m going to be as kind and supportive as I can as we figure this out. I might mess that up too, but I’m not giving up. I’m going to keep coming back and we are in this together.

How powerful is that!

The best part is, we can be that for ourselves and we don’t have to do it perfectly.

That’s what I’m talking about when I talk about self-trust. You can use the free Self-Trust Inventory in the community library to develop your own definition of self-trust and get clear on what self-trust currently looks like in your life.

I’d love to know…what does trust mean to you? How do you know if you can trust yourself? What helps you trust others?